Ask One Who Has Experience Rather than a Physician - Part 2

أسأل مجرب ولا تسأل طبيب 

(2es2al megarab walla tes2al tabeeb)
"Ask one who has experience rather than a physician"

As promised, part 2. Let's focus this time on some of the positives I've experienced of being a single parent. I know, I know. Many of you are probably thinking...um are there any? Well it really depends on what angle you decide to look at things. It definitely isn't the easiest task in the world, but at the end of the day, the most important thing is that you've raised wonderful children (we hope!). 


It's definitely not as easy writing about the positives of single parenting...sometimes I feel like I'm grasping at anything to make it positive. But you take the best of what you have, even if it means looking at it with a bit of humor :)


(Disclaimer: I am by no means encouraging or suggesting divorce to anyone. I still maintain it as being a last resort decision after ALL steps have been taken to attempt to resolve any issues. And yes, that includes some sort of marital counseling - unfortunately something MANY people - especially men - refuse! And that's another topic in itself...but again, I digress...)

1. Weekend / Mid-Week breaks

YAY to free babysitting! That is, of course, if the other parent is cooperative and actually takes the children for visitation times! And luckily, for the most part, I've had that luxury in the past couple of years. Let's hope it stays that way. I love my weekends off - it's a chance for me to catch up on everything I can't do with the kids. And no it's not always fun, but every once in a while - I make it fun! I've done weekend getaways to cities in other states, weekend hotel getaways in my own city, whatever it takes. Anything to recharge.

I hear a lot of my married friends complain that they never have time for themselves. My question is...WHY NOT? Is it really that hard to arrange for hubby to watch the kids, and if that doesn't work, hire a babysitter? Many people from our culture are so against this hiring a babysitter concept. I just don't understand it. So what - you spend 50 bucks on a babysitter for a few hours of relaxation and rejuvenation. You get some much needed time for yourself, you re-charge your battery, and you come back a happier parent for your children! Last year, I actually started a Girl's Night Out (GNO) group with a few of my girl friends (majority of them married) and they LOVE it! Unfortunately with life's busy schedules, it's hard to find a time that suits everyone. But once every couple of months doesn't hurt. And for the married couples out there...time without the kids is a MUST! Send the kids to grandma, or hire a babysitter, and get some quality time with your spouse. It helps keep the spark in any relationship.

2. Happier Parents (or at least we hope so)

When two people just don't click in the marriage and things start to get rocky at home, the children notice. Children can sense the tension in the house. They can feel the anger, and it can definitely impact them in a negative way. And in more cases than not, I've noticed that my own kids are happier now, in general. They see me happy at home. They see their dad happy at home. Of course it's not always perfect, but, for me, it's better more times than not. Plus, I'm a lot more comfortable with me now than I ever was before. And there's a lot less in the disappointment arena.


I've actually had the opportunity to re-evaluate myself as a person - review my positive and negative qualities. I've made attempts to improve my shortcomings and use my strengths to become a better person. I'm more in touch with me. 

3. Decision Making

Now that I'm in control of my own life (of course everything is in God's hands), and I am the one making all of the decisions for my children and I, new doors have opened. I can better define who I am, what I stand for. I can actually be me without having somebody else judge me. Of course, there are ALWAYS people who judge you no matter what, but at least it's not someone directly involved in my life on a daily basis. Plus, when I'm free (with no kids), I can go out almost wherever I want, whenever I want, etc. Nobody to make me feel guilty for not staying at home :)


4. Easy Dinners!


Haha, ok this is one of my faves actually. I don't have to cook dinner every night! Woohoo :)  This is probably the same for most working moms, even married ones. But I think I get a little bit of an extra edge - if I don't feel like cooking, it's cereal, nuggets, mac and cheese, watermelon and cheese (a favorite Egyptian meal), or eating out!


5. Miscellaneous Fun Stuff


OK, so now I'm having some fun :) But hey, it's some sort of a plus! 


- I get to decorate the house the way *I* want it
- No having to share a bed, and nobody to steal the covers from me
- An opportunity for a "second" chance @ a relationship


*** UPDATED ***
So I missed a few of the miscellaneous fun stuff! haha
- no sharing of closet space. ITS ALL MINE! (and boy do I need it *ahem*)
- no sharing of garage space - I can park diagonally if I want to! (that is if I every get my garage cleaned out)
- no hogging of the remote control!
*** END UPDATE ***


I know some of this may sound a bit selfish, but in all honesty, sometimes you have to be selfish to realize how important it is to take care of yourself. Because when you take care of yourself, you become a better person to those around you, including your children. My mom always reminds me - "khalee balek min nafsek 3ashan khater weladek" - take care of yourself for the sake of your kids. And boy, is she right.


There you go...just some quick positives that I myself have experienced since my own divorce. There's probably a lot more that I haven't recognized right now at this moment. I write these posts on the fly - as the thoughts come to me - so anything I remember later, will just be in a new post :)


So if you're in the same position as me - keep your head up. There's ups and there's downs. Just remember that everything is a learning experience and to try to see the good even out of something that may seem bad (that's a lesson to myself - one of the hardest things for me to recognize). And if you ever need to know whether what you're experiencing is normal or not, I find the best thing to do is to talk to someone in my same shoes. Because as the saying goes, "Ask one who has experience rather than a physician."