Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Live with Us and Then Judge Us

عاشرنا و أخبرنا 
(3asherna wi akhberna)

"Live with Us and Then Judge Us"

Sometimes it really bothers me. Like seriously bothers me... There are times when people tell me to "lighten up" over a minor occurrence that I might get upset about. This usually happens especially after I've had a horrible day or I'm completely stressed out. 

I'm generally not a grump (although my mother, grandmother, and my 7th grade gifted and talented teacher would tell you I often complained as a child), and I generally am not in a bad mood. Plus, I rarely complain as an adult. But I have my moments - definitely not an angel. But I say... let me have them. When you live my life, and I hope you never have to, you'd understand where I'm coming from. Of course, the same goes for me with anyone else. I just say, think things through before making a snide comment or remark - you could be hurting someone else's feelings or making their day that much worse.

So let me give you an idea of what I mean. Ever sat down and thought about exactly what roles you play? And how much you spend with each of those roles? Well, all single moms out there, hear me out - this is your opportunity to take a look at yourself and evaluate what you need to do to make your life better. I take that back - thats for EVERYONE - single moms, married moms, single dads, married dads, wives, husbands, not in a relationship, etc. You get what I mean :)

So here's the task: 

List every single one of your roles that you play. Assign the number of hours per day that you play that role (on average, and when you're awake), determine the percentage and then evaluate and determine what you need to adjust (where it can be adjusted).

So here's mine six months ago, living on 6 hours of sleep a night (I know I've forgotten some roles but I don't have time to think!):

- Mother to two boys : 4 hours (22%)
- Employee (full-time): 8 hours (44%)
- Driver: 2 hours (11%)
- Soccer team manager: 0.5 hours (3%)
- Friend: 0.5 (3%)
- Daughter: 0.5 (3%)
- Sister: 0.5 (3%)
- Mentor:  0.5 (3%)
- Ex-wife: 0.5 (yeah I still have to play this role whether I like to or not - school updates, soccer coordination, visitation coordination, crazy things like "Did Y leave his blue soccer socks at your house?") (3%)
- Me: 1 (5.5%)

(Note: the "Mother" role is a 24 hour role, but this is pure hours spent doing "motherly stuff". I can guarantee you I spend a lot more time being a mother than anything else)

It then screamed out at me. Where's your YOU TIME? When are you taking care of you? It just wasn't enough. I was stressed, miserable, and never felt that I was ahead of the game. So that's when I took a decision that I no longer could handle being a soccer team manager. I decided to give that 3% back to myself and my children. I had enough things I needed to manage. I made several other adjustments too, but I'm still trying to get there. 

So now that you've had a little deeper look into my life, you may understand why sometimes my grumpiness or bad mood is on a Level Red. So give me, or any other person in my similar shoes, a break every once in a while. I don't need to be called selfish, self-centered, grumpy, annoying, etc. I definitely don't have time to be one of those all the time ;)

Having said all this, I will take this as an opportunity to apply all of the above in my own life, with those that I interact regularly with. I'll do better to let it go (of course within limits :P). After all, there's a reason the Prophet said to give your brother (sister) 70 excuses ... you don't know what circumstances other people may currently be in.

Because as the saying goes, "Live with Us and Then Judge Us."

Thursday, September 1, 2011

He Who Perseveres Finds and He Who Sows Harvests

من جد وجد ومن زرعة حصد
(mann gadda wagad wa man zara3a 7assad)


He Who Perseveres Finds and He Who Sows Harvests


(Today's post is dedicated to someone close to my heart. You know who you are.)



Ramadan is over, Eid has passed, and now we're back to "reality." I'm a bit sad in fact - I really enjoy the month of Ramadan - everything just seems so peaceful. It's an opportunity to just concentrate on my relationship with God. Cleanse my soul. Start a new page. Everything just seems so easy. And for some reason, this was one of those Ramadans that truly was a blessing in disguise. I know you may not see it now, but I'm confident that it will be.

Indeed, it was one of my most difficult Ramadan's ever. And probably one I will never forget. And one day, I will look back at it and probably realize it was one of the best Ramadan's ever inshaAllah (God willing). I hope that during this blessed month, the prayers that we prayed, the du3a2 we made, and the fasting we persevered with is accepted by God (inshaAllah). And that all of these events that happened during Ramadan happened for a reason - for those prayers to be multiplied.

To those of you going through difficult times, some of my thoughts that I hope will help get you through your trials and tribulations:

Things in this life don't come easy. In fact, God tests those he loves the most. So see it as a test from God. And hopefully, we all pass these tests with flying colors. I've come to appreciate, especially in the almost six years since my divorce, that indeed "with every difficulty there is relief. Verily, with every difficulty there is relief" (The Quran, Surah 94, Ayahs 5-6). My favorite Quran'ic ayahs...even used them as I gave the benediction at my high school graduation from a public school, in front of an audience of about 10,000 people. 

It's been an absolute roller coaster - ups and downs, time and time again. Every time I feel like I've hit the lowest part, something happens to bring me lower. But somehow, God puts this inner strength in me that helps me pull out. The trick is to stay grounded. 

Don't lose focus. 
Don't give up. 
Don't back down. 
Don't forget who you are.
Be the good person you know you are. 
Do what makes you feel comfortable.

Remember the more effort you make to get closer to Him, the more He'll move closer to you.
And most of all, as a believer, remember that God never gives you more than you can handle.

It's ok to feel helpless, lost, and scared at times. But you will find that inner strength. You will make it. You can do it. And one day, you will see the fruits of your labor. I see it every time I look at my two beautiful boys Y and Z, mashaAllah. May Allah protect them and continue to shower them with His blessings.


You can do it too.

Because as the saying goes, "he who perseveres finds, and he who sows harvests."