Man Thinks, and God Takes Care of Things

العبد فل تفكير والرب فل تدبير 

("el 3abd fil-tafkir wel rab fil-tadbir")

It's been ages, I know. Life has just, well, been busy. I guess that's a good thing...sometimes. School is out, summer has started, and oh the wonderful joys of making summer plans. It's one of my least favorite things about the summer, especially as a single mom. 

Well 2011 has been an interesting year to say the least. But the one thing that has probably impacted my life the most: the revolution in Egypt which started Jan 25th. All I can say is...wow, I still don't believe it ever happened. It's a great thing for the Egyptian people, to finally have a voice. To stand up and no longer be afraid. I'm loving the new page the Egyptians have turned, and I can't wait to see how Egypt blossoms, even though it may take a long time. The trick is to stay positive - we have to stop continuously thinking about all of the challenges Egypt will face, and just take things a day at a time. Haha, don't worry, I'm not going to go into politics...

So you ask what does Egypt have to do with my post today? Well, lots :) At least as it relates to my summer plans! Summer plans - it's one of the joys of being a single mom. And unfortunately, this year, I admit, I am so not organized when it came to summer plans for the kids. Of course it applies to any working mother (especially the ones where dad is around as well and is also working)...but making summer plans is a pain in the A$$ (sorry ;) ). Growing up, it was such a blessing to have mom at home. Mom didn't work until I was in my high school years, and when she did return to the work force, she had decided against working in her field of engineering and decided to pursue education on the side. And that was convenient for the summer - that meant mom was home, no summer camps required, and Egypt in the summer for 3 months was on the agenda!

Egypt was all about family, friends, and fun. I don't think I ever had to worry about a thing except of course for hilarious Arabic lesson sessions with Teacher Saber who managed to eat the entire plate of brownies before our very eyes without sharing ONE (I guess brownies weren't very well known in Egypt yet, because he sure did enjoy them!). But back to the post...summer meant sleeping in and being lazy and just having fun.

Previous summers were a blessing - my mom goes to Egypt every year and took my kids with her. Along with my younger sister's help, she managed to organize Arabic lessons, swimming lessons, tours of famous places in Egypt, and of course, BEACH TIME at our chalet. It worked out perfectly - the kids get a chance to learn more about their origins, they learn a little bit more Arabic, they actually have a "real" summer vacation and an exotic place to talk about once school resumes, and of course, mommy (me) gets a nice break :)

So back to the revolution in Egypt...

Summer in Egypt + Revolution in Egypt + kids who need to stay busy = not a very good combination :) 

It just wasn't a viable option this summer, which meant, mommy (me) has to make summer plans for kiddoes. And mommy (me) doesn't get her annual break. Eeeeeks....You're probably asking where dad (ex) is in all of this - I'm not going to vent or talk much about it, but let's just say, dad (ex) isn't taking his one month summer rights. End of story. Which means mom (me) has to do all of the planning. And planning for me = a ton of thinking. I spent months looking at camps, calculating how much it was going to cost me (Egypt tickets suddenly started looking so cheap!), writing dates down on papers, losing the papers I wrote the camp dates on, and then started all over again. Endless cycle. I was not organized. At all. How was I going to make sure my kids had a proper summer where they weren't waking up every morning at 7 am just like school to get ready to go to wherever they were going? How will I set it up so that they are actually getting a break or getting to sleep in or me not worrying about packing lunches or getting to the daycare on time? I know it sounds crazy, but my sons told me at the end of school: "Do we have to go to camp? Can't we just sit at home and sleep in and just get to be lazy? Why do we have to wake up early? We just want to stay home!" Boy, that made me feel so guilty, but what choice do I have? I have to fully financially support these kids, which means I have to work! So what to do? 

Overwhelmed. 

Lost.

Had no idea what to do.

And the stress kicked in - along with all of the other wonderful stressful things going on in my life. And that's when I decided, you know what, I'm going to just take it one week at a time and go from there. I'll do what I can and leave the rest up to God. And wow, what a difference that has made. What a relief. And, on it's own, the June and July schedule worked itself out. Between camps, grandma/grandpa (rabbina yekhaleehom), friends, working from home, and an occasional babysitter, it has all worked out. Alhamdulillah (thank God). And all that's left is August - and you know what - I'll worry about that when we get there :) I'm sure God will open the needed doors, inshaAllah (God Willing). And you ask what mommy (me) will be doing to get her annual break? Let's just say I've planned a nice weekend trip on my own somewhere, hopefully a few more will come, just to keep my sanity :) But I'll stop thinking about it and just let things happen! And it just doesn't apply to summer plans - applies to everything else in life too. Now, if only, I can get myself to believe that....

Because as the saying goes..."Man thinks, and God Takes Care of Things"

Ask One Who Has Experience Rather than a Physician - Part 2

أسأل مجرب ولا تسأل طبيب 

(2es2al megarab walla tes2al tabeeb)
"Ask one who has experience rather than a physician"

As promised, part 2. Let's focus this time on some of the positives I've experienced of being a single parent. I know, I know. Many of you are probably thinking...um are there any? Well it really depends on what angle you decide to look at things. It definitely isn't the easiest task in the world, but at the end of the day, the most important thing is that you've raised wonderful children (we hope!). 


It's definitely not as easy writing about the positives of single parenting...sometimes I feel like I'm grasping at anything to make it positive. But you take the best of what you have, even if it means looking at it with a bit of humor :)


(Disclaimer: I am by no means encouraging or suggesting divorce to anyone. I still maintain it as being a last resort decision after ALL steps have been taken to attempt to resolve any issues. And yes, that includes some sort of marital counseling - unfortunately something MANY people - especially men - refuse! And that's another topic in itself...but again, I digress...)

1. Weekend / Mid-Week breaks

YAY to free babysitting! That is, of course, if the other parent is cooperative and actually takes the children for visitation times! And luckily, for the most part, I've had that luxury in the past couple of years. Let's hope it stays that way. I love my weekends off - it's a chance for me to catch up on everything I can't do with the kids. And no it's not always fun, but every once in a while - I make it fun! I've done weekend getaways to cities in other states, weekend hotel getaways in my own city, whatever it takes. Anything to recharge.

I hear a lot of my married friends complain that they never have time for themselves. My question is...WHY NOT? Is it really that hard to arrange for hubby to watch the kids, and if that doesn't work, hire a babysitter? Many people from our culture are so against this hiring a babysitter concept. I just don't understand it. So what - you spend 50 bucks on a babysitter for a few hours of relaxation and rejuvenation. You get some much needed time for yourself, you re-charge your battery, and you come back a happier parent for your children! Last year, I actually started a Girl's Night Out (GNO) group with a few of my girl friends (majority of them married) and they LOVE it! Unfortunately with life's busy schedules, it's hard to find a time that suits everyone. But once every couple of months doesn't hurt. And for the married couples out there...time without the kids is a MUST! Send the kids to grandma, or hire a babysitter, and get some quality time with your spouse. It helps keep the spark in any relationship.

2. Happier Parents (or at least we hope so)

When two people just don't click in the marriage and things start to get rocky at home, the children notice. Children can sense the tension in the house. They can feel the anger, and it can definitely impact them in a negative way. And in more cases than not, I've noticed that my own kids are happier now, in general. They see me happy at home. They see their dad happy at home. Of course it's not always perfect, but, for me, it's better more times than not. Plus, I'm a lot more comfortable with me now than I ever was before. And there's a lot less in the disappointment arena.


I've actually had the opportunity to re-evaluate myself as a person - review my positive and negative qualities. I've made attempts to improve my shortcomings and use my strengths to become a better person. I'm more in touch with me. 

3. Decision Making

Now that I'm in control of my own life (of course everything is in God's hands), and I am the one making all of the decisions for my children and I, new doors have opened. I can better define who I am, what I stand for. I can actually be me without having somebody else judge me. Of course, there are ALWAYS people who judge you no matter what, but at least it's not someone directly involved in my life on a daily basis. Plus, when I'm free (with no kids), I can go out almost wherever I want, whenever I want, etc. Nobody to make me feel guilty for not staying at home :)


4. Easy Dinners!


Haha, ok this is one of my faves actually. I don't have to cook dinner every night! Woohoo :)  This is probably the same for most working moms, even married ones. But I think I get a little bit of an extra edge - if I don't feel like cooking, it's cereal, nuggets, mac and cheese, watermelon and cheese (a favorite Egyptian meal), or eating out!


5. Miscellaneous Fun Stuff


OK, so now I'm having some fun :) But hey, it's some sort of a plus! 


- I get to decorate the house the way *I* want it
- No having to share a bed, and nobody to steal the covers from me
- An opportunity for a "second" chance @ a relationship


*** UPDATED ***
So I missed a few of the miscellaneous fun stuff! haha
- no sharing of closet space. ITS ALL MINE! (and boy do I need it *ahem*)
- no sharing of garage space - I can park diagonally if I want to! (that is if I every get my garage cleaned out)
- no hogging of the remote control!
*** END UPDATE ***


I know some of this may sound a bit selfish, but in all honesty, sometimes you have to be selfish to realize how important it is to take care of yourself. Because when you take care of yourself, you become a better person to those around you, including your children. My mom always reminds me - "khalee balek min nafsek 3ashan khater weladek" - take care of yourself for the sake of your kids. And boy, is she right.


There you go...just some quick positives that I myself have experienced since my own divorce. There's probably a lot more that I haven't recognized right now at this moment. I write these posts on the fly - as the thoughts come to me - so anything I remember later, will just be in a new post :)


So if you're in the same position as me - keep your head up. There's ups and there's downs. Just remember that everything is a learning experience and to try to see the good even out of something that may seem bad (that's a lesson to myself - one of the hardest things for me to recognize). And if you ever need to know whether what you're experiencing is normal or not, I find the best thing to do is to talk to someone in my same shoes. Because as the saying goes, "Ask one who has experience rather than a physician."