Ask One Who Has Experience Rather than a Physician - Part 1

أسأل مجرب ولا تسأل طبيب 
(2es2al megarab walla tes2al tabeeb)
"Ask one who has experience rather than a physician"

I know it's been a while since I've put up a post, but things have been absolutely crazy. Between eye issues (I still can't see very well, but luckily my eyes have adjusted to the awkward vision), craziness at work, the school year wrapping up, and everything else, I've barely had time to breathe! So I've finally gotten a few quiet moments to myself to put something together!

So a lot of people ask me what it's like being a single mom. Do I enjoy it? What's it like? Is it hard? Would I rather be married? The list of questions can go on, so here's some interesting tidbits of info that I thought I'd share - some insights to my daily life.  Today's post focuses on the more difficult aspects, but please don't think it's all "difficult" or "negative" per se. Perhaps it may put some things into perspective...

Here goes...

1. Roadtrips

I miss being a passenger. I miss not having to drive myself (and the kids) everywhere. I just got back from a five hour roadtrip to see my parents and I couldn't WAIT to get home! When you have two kids who are asleep in the backseat, there's not much you can do to keep yourself entertained...you can't blast the music to keep yourself awake. You can't check Facebook or tweet or text or Whatsapp in your chatroom (although I'm guilty of all of the above - but I'm working on that!). You can't call a friend to chat because you don't want the conversation blasting via bluetooth on your speakers to wake up the kids (and of course with my luck most of my friends are busy with their own lives and can't chat for hours). You can't stop at a gas station while the kids are asleep to run in by yourself and grab some snacks and coffee (we really need more drive thru Starbucks). And my biggest fear - getting a flat tire! I have absolutely no clue how to change one and would absolutely panic if that happened to me in the middle of nowhere! Thank God that hasn't happened and I hope it never does!

2. Grocery store runs

How many times have you opened the fridge at 10 pm, after the kids have fallen asleep, and realized you don't have milk for tomorrow's breakfast? Yeah that's right - I'm sure most of you have. Single moms with younger children don't have the luxury of telling hubby to keep an eye on the kids while you run to the grocery store to pick something up. And we all know what grocery shopping with kids is like...absolute hell. Running in to grab milk with two cranky kids can make for some fun experiences..I can't tell you how many times I've had to sit in the car begging my kids to come in with me to the grocery store so I can pick some things up for dinner. Sometimes though I can't blame them - spending 10 hours at school is not the most fun thing. Just like me...I can't wait to get home after a long day at work. They too can't wait to get home after a long day at school.

3. Outings with married friends

I love my married friends to death but going out with them can often be awkward. I definitely feel out of place when every one of my friends is either sitting next to her husband or across from him, while I am either sitting in front of / next to a child or nobody at all. Thank goodness most of our outings end up naturally splitting with men on one side of the table and women on the other. But the oddest feeling (and can be a good feeling too) - when the waiter/waitress hands every man his family's check, and you're the only female being handed a check :)

4. Nighttime loneliness

Apart from the obvious, nighttime as a single mom can often times be extremely lonely. Yes, I do watch tv, watch a movie, read a book, surf the net, etc after the kids get to bed. But sometimes I just want to have a conversation with another adult. And phone conversations and chats don't always do the trick. After a full day dealing with two kids on your own, there's nothing like having a live conversation with another adult!

5. Weekend breaks

You'd be surprised how many people I interact with that are so envious of the weekends that I have off when the kids are with their dad. My message to them - if you lived in my shoes, you wouldn't be so envious. You try dealing non-stop with your kids for 12 days in a row without any other adult interaction at home and maintain your sanity! And no, my weekends aren't filled with late night outings, travels, and utter freedom. Heck, I use my weekends to catch up on much needed sleep, running errands that I can't do with the kids (like grocery shopping), and an occasional self-paid pampering session at the spa.

6. Special Occasions / Holidays

Special occasions and holidays are often an uncomfortable time for anyone who's divorced. For single parents, especially if the kids are with the other parent, it can often be an awkward/depressing time. Thoughts of past anniversaries or memories can often put you in a funk. And all these commercialized holidays - Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day - don't really help. I spent the last Mother's Day without my kids and even though mother's day should be every day, I will admit I woke up a little sad - nobody to make me breakfast in bed, no flowers next to my bedside table to say thank you, no gift card to the local spa for some much-needed pampering. And birthdays - well it never was much of a celebrated day in my family in general - but when the conversation for the day with all of your girl-friends happens to be about what amazing gift your husband bought for you for your birthday, you sort of sit there and have have nothing to share but silence. A tip for you women who have single friends - be aware of who is with you and a little sensitive to others feelings :)

7. Fears

Sometimes fears are the hardest to face, but here's a few. I just need to remember to keep my faith in God and everything will be OK (inshaAllah):
- I'm afraid of dying in my sleep and my kids waking up to finding me dead.
- I'm afraid of dying (in general) while my kids are still young.
- I'm afraid of being "alone" for the rest of my life.
- I'm afraid that my kids may get busy in their own lives once they become adults and forget about me.

- I'm afraid of my kids resenting me for the divorce.

- I'm afraid of not being able to afford to send my kids to college.
- I'm afraid of losing my job and not being able to support my kids (I'm their sole financial support, although I know my family will automatically assume that role, no questions asked - may God reward them always)

So that's just a start to some of my "experiences" as a single mom. There's plenty more that I can write about, especially the positive aspects, so stay tuned for part 2 of this post!

Because as the saying goes...ask one who has experience rather than a physician!