Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Be Contrary and Be Known

خالف تعرف 
(Khaalef tu3raf)
"Be Contrary and Be Known"

I am not a victim. 

I refuse to be seen as the victim. I may have been the victim of someone else's actions, but that doesn't make me a victim. I just happen to have experienced extraordinary circumstances. Life changing ones. Tests from God.

And I won't fall for other's expectations. I will fall for God's expectations. I will take care of my family to the best of my abilities. And I will survive (ISA).  And any human who attempts to bring me down, let it be known you won't be on my favorable side :)

True stories:

No, I will not bow down to society's expectations that I am a helpless, needy woman because I'm a single mom and that I don't have a man. Sorry lady, there's a reason God put me through this, and I will embrace it. I will accept it and work with what I have. I only need Him to guide me, not a man.

No, I will not quit my professional job, move in with my parents, stay at home and expect them to support my children and I as I sit around being a bum. Sure, if I ever lose my job or cannot financially support my children, I will turn to my family who would accept me with open arms. But that doesn't mean I should just give up on my life, my own dreams, my goals.

No, I will not let myself shrivel into an ugly, old woman who refuses to take the time to take care of myself. Sweetheart, if you don't like the fact that I'm taking care of myself (mentally, emotionally, and physically), then go fly a kite. Maybe think about taking care of yourself?

No, I will not listen to you tell me that the only things I should do should be for my kids and to forget about having a life because they are the most important things now. Sorry, but I hate to break the news to you. The only way I can take care of my kids is if I take care of me. You call it selfish. I call it keeping my sanity. End of story.

No, I will not spend every single second of my life with my kids. That's just not practical or realistic. And before you jump to conclusions and label me as a bad mom, think for a second. My kids are with me practically 24/7 for 12 days every 2 weeks. On. My. Own. If I go on a mini vacation for two days so I can rejuvenate and recharge myself or spend a few hours with my girl friends over a cup of joe, that's a GOOD thing. Not bad. That doesn't make me a bad mom. That makes me a better mom who is happier, healthier, and more able to take care of my kids. So don't judge me. Single mom or married mom, I suggest it for you too!

The list goes on and on...but there's a moral to the story. I love helping people. With the blessings and grace of God (all thanks goes to Him), I have been able to support my children throughout these trying times, in all aspects - mentally, emotionally, financially. And I have had the honor to help others going through similar situations...to serve as a mentor and guide.  I am truly humbled that they have even chosen to turn to me. I only hope my experiences and advice are an inspiration to them, to remember to keep their heads high, make a realistic goal, and to keep on going.

I refuse to be categorized as a hapless, divorced mom. And if you are or have been in my shoes, don't listen to other's BS aimed at bringing you down. Stand tall and strong. Refute people's and society's low expectations of you...remember, there are others looking up to you for being different and strong. Hold your ground because as the saying goes, "be contrary and be known." 

4 comments:

  1. Married or divorced.....I totally agree with you! You go girl, tell it like it is!

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  2. I love it! I look forward to the day when I too will be able to look back upon my divorce as simply a "speed bump on my road of life." I love that your voice is powerful and your determination unfaltering despite (or maybe because of) your hurdles. You go!!--Menat

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  3. Unfortunately, people talk whether you are single, married, or divorced. The most important part of all this is the mannerisms in which you deal with it. Your confidence and strength should never be effected by what others say. As we always tell our own children, "All I want is for you to do your best". As long as your doing your best ya dooda, than nothing else should matter! Keep up the great work.... <3 u

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