Live with Us and Then Judge Us

عاشرنا و أخبرنا 

(3asherna wi akhberna)

"Live with Us and Then Judge Us"

Sometimes it really bothers me. Like seriously bothers me... There are times when people tell me to "lighten up" over a minor occurrence that I might get upset about. This usually happens especially after I've had a horrible day or I'm completely stressed out. 

I'm generally not a grump (although my mother, grandmother, and my 7th grade gifted and talented teacher would tell you I often complained as a child), and I generally am not in a bad mood. Plus, I rarely complain as an adult. But I have my moments - definitely not an angel. But I say... let me have them. When you live my life, and I hope you never have to, you'd understand where I'm coming from. Of course, the same goes for me with anyone else. I just say, think things through before making a snide comment or remark - you could be hurting someone else's feelings or making their day that much worse.

So let me give you an idea of what I mean. Ever sat down and thought about exactly what roles you play? And how much you spend with each of those roles? Well, all single moms out there, hear me out - this is your opportunity to take a look at yourself and evaluate what you need to do to make your life better. I take that back - thats for EVERYONE - single moms, married moms, single dads, married dads, wives, husbands, not in a relationship, etc. You get what I mean :)

So here's the task: 

List every single one of your roles that you play. Assign the number of hours per day that you play that role (on average, and when you're awake), determine the percentage and then evaluate and determine what you need to adjust (where it can be adjusted).

So here's mine six months ago, living on 6 hours of sleep a night (I know I've forgotten some roles but I don't have time to think!):

- Mother to two boys : 4 hours (22%)

- Employee (full-time): 8 hours (44%)

- Driver: 2 hours (11%)

- Soccer team manager: 0.5 hours (3%)

- Friend: 0.5 (3%)

- Daughter: 0.5 (3%)

- Sister: 0.5 (3%)

- Mentor:  0.5 (3%)

- Ex-wife: 0.5 (yeah I still have to play this role whether I like to or not - school updates, soccer coordination, visitation coordination, crazy things like "Did Y leave his blue soccer socks at your house?") (3%)

- Me: 1 (5.5%)

(Note: the "Mother" role is a 24 hour role, but this is pure hours spent doing "motherly stuff". I can guarantee you I spend a lot more time being a mother than anything else)

It then screamed out at me. Where's your YOU TIME? When are you taking care of you? It just wasn't enough. I was stressed, miserable, and never felt that I was ahead of the game. So that's when I took a decision that I no longer could handle being a soccer team manager. I decided to give that 3% back to myself and my children. I had enough things I needed to manage. I made several other adjustments too, but I'm still trying to get there. 

So now that you've had a little deeper look into my life, you may understand why sometimes my grumpiness or bad mood is on a Level Red. So give me, or any other person in my similar shoes, a break every once in a while. I don't need to be called selfish, self-centered, grumpy, annoying, etc. I definitely don't have time to be one of those all the time ;)

Having said all this, I will take this as an opportunity to apply all of the above in my own life, with those that I interact regularly with. I'll do better to let it go (of course within limits :P). After all, there's a reason the Prophet said to give your brother (sister) 70 excuses ... you don't know what circumstances other people may currently be in.

Because as the saying goes, "Live with Us and Then Judge Us."