You Want What You Want and He Wants What He Wants, but God Does What He Wants

انت تريد وهو يريد والله يفعل ما يريد

(anta turiid wa-howa yuriid wallaah yaf3al ma yuriid)

"You Want What You Want and He Wants What He Wants, but God Does What He Wants"

Faith, Family,  Challenges, and New Beginnings ...

My how time flies and lives change. It's been quite a while since I've posted on the blog, almost 4 years sadly! But it's the start of a new year, and I've always loved to write and share my thoughts. So let's do this!

3 years ago yesterday (03 January),  my two biological sons and I moved into our new house. It was a decision I was nervous of, but one I made for the interest of my children. It was quite the jump - new suburb, new school district and schools, new friends, new financial commitments ... a lot to take on at once. I'm happy to say, thank God, that with all of the changes, it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. There were challenges of course, but life would be boring without difficulties, right?

Here's a quick summary of what's happened in my family since my last post...

☞ I started a new job where I had the opportunity to travel internationally.  Nervousness took over as I was taking on a role that required time away from the children for a week at a time every month in locations halfway across the world. Thankfully, it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Not only did I get to see parts of the world I've never been to before and was able to feed my passion for travel, but it ultimately led me to meet and marry the love of my life a little over a year ago, alhamdulillah (Thank God). My husband and I's families went from 3 to 6, and our new home in Dallas can comfortably house everyone when my husband and his children visit (we are a long-distance marriage at the moment!). 2016 was overall a wonderful year for us, allowing us to grow together as a couple and getting to know each other's children (we are still learning and growing! there's always growing pains). Unfortunately, my husband lost his mother last year, but I am blessed to have had the opportunity to see her,  spend some time with her, share some stories, hug her, and be a part of her life,  even though it was only for a short period of time. She will always remain within our hearts.  May God bless her soul.

☞ My older son Y started high school, plays on the high school soccer team as well as on a club team, officially became taller than me,  and built his first gaming computer. He's decided he's considering to pursue computer engineering in college (haha, more engineers in the house). The teen years are definitely kicking in - it's weird hearing a deep voice here and there, seeing more and more independence when it comes to school and friendships, and oh boy the attitude! He and I have had our rough patches especially since "sharing his mom" has been difficult to swallow, but I'm proud of his progressing maturity and our continuous developing relationship. Not only am I learning how to be a better parent, but also how to effectively communicate to ensure we as a family are all on the same page.

☞ My younger son Z developed a passion for baseball, started middle school,  and is first chair in band playing the euphonium. My recent marriage has been difficult on him as well as he never really experienced his mom having a husband staying in the same house, even if for a temporary amount of time. Interaction is sometimes awkward, but to my younger son's credit, he's been a trooper, being one of my biggest supporters for my happiness. Anger bouts (shouting, isolating himself in his room) appear here and there, but we're teaching him to express himself constructively.

The new house and job were changes I was afraid to make,  but I prayed for the best, put my faith in God and decided to move forward. I'm thankful for everything that has happened, and blessed to be surrounded by such a strong support system, especially my husband and extended family.

Lesson learned: 

• Always keep your commitment to your faith and beliefs no matter the tests God gives you. God never burdens a soul more than it can handle.
• Rise to challenges and don't let them conquer you.
• Look beyond your comfort zone and try new things.
• Be thankful for everything,  good and bad. Ultimately, good comes out of the bad, even if you don't see it immediately.

Definitely a busy few years, but we're looking forward to growing more as a family this year, looking beyond our comfort zones, learning new things, exploring the world, and becoming healthier people.

Indeed, it is amazing how God is the best of planners. Because as the saying goes, you want what you want, and he wants what he wants, but God does what he wants.

He Who Sees the Calamity of Others Finds His Own Calamity Light

من رأى مصائب غيره هانت مصائبه

(man ra2a masa2eb gheero haanet masa2ebo)

"He Who Sees the Calamity of Others Finds His Own Calamity Light"

I can't believe it's been over a year since my last post. For those who do follow, it's been a whirlwind of a year for me. Some major downs, but thank God, I'm still standing. Gotta keep it positive! I know I've slacked with keeping in touch with people, but I really just needed to take care of myself for a bit. 

I've had a rough few weeks - been feeling down. Feeling lost. Feeling out of place. Not sure where in the puzzle of life do I fit. But I have to remember to put things into perspective. Everything happens for a reason. Someone always has it worse off. It's not that my issues are NOT nothing per se, but they are not as bad as what others have to go through. So, my review of the last year and reminder that life goes on:

The last year has brought on major challenges.

WINTER: 
I realized over the past two years that my career was going nowhere. I was unhappy at work. I had been up for promotion for three years. Multiple awards later and after every annual review, it was always the same - "you're doing an amazing job. You're a role model for your peers. But we're sorry, we haven't been able to get your promotion through." Always an excuse. Simply frustrating. And considering I have quite a few years left until I can retire (since I fully financially support my children and have two college educations to worry about), it was time to make some major decisions. Time to look outside the company. Spoke with some contacts. Applied for some positions. And thankfully, something came through! (*special thanks to those that assisted - you know who you are!*) The resignation was next. Complete shock from my team, promises that things would get better. But nothing concrete. I had already made my decision that it was time to move on - but the dynamics of seeing how everything played out at my former employer was quite interesting! So early this year, I started my new job! New position, new role, new people. Lots to get used to. Settling in well thankfully!

SPRING:
Then it was the health scare. A year of not knowing what's going on with my body. Finally deciding to go for a second opinion (best decision ever). News I needed surgery. Getting a biopsy on tissue removed. Alhamdulillah (thank God), everything went well. Nothing cancerous. Nothing too serious. Glad I was on top of things!

SUMMER:
The kids didn't spend their summer in Egypt with grandma, so keeping two kids occupied while I worked full time was, let's just say, fun? Um ok...not fun. It was C-R-A-Z-Y. How do you explain to your kids while everyone is on vacation, going out and having fun, swimming, etc that I have to work and can't participate? Good question - I still don't know lol. But whatever...we survived :) 

YEAR-ROUND:
Next challenge - my oldest son Y. He's officially a tween and started middle school. One word. EEKS! I've seen quite the transformation in him. He's become much more independent, which is great - at times. He doesn't like to hug/kiss me in front of his friends. He teases his brother non-stop. Definitely starting to challenge authority. Having issues with me taking some "me" time without the kids. Becoming a lot more aggressive too. We've had many a talk on the behavior. It's been tough, but we're working through it. There have been many sleepless nights trying to figure out how on earth I'm going to survive it. And yes, tears.  I've had nights where I've thought I can't handle it anymore. But thanks to those that are a real support, I realize it's only temporary. Don't get me wrong - he's given me great moments too! Like an amazing handmade Mother's Day card that made my heart melt. Or today - I asked him to empty the dishwasher before school this morning. I honestly didn't expect him to do it, but I was delighted and surprised when indeed I found it emptied! YAY! And he knows exactly when to say/do something to make me smile. When/if he decides to get married, his wife will be one lucky woman :)

And who said youngest son Z isn't a challenge? Z is finally understanding what it means to come from a divorced family. Not that it's something bad - just that it's different and can be frustrating for a child his age. He never really knew his dad since we divorced when he was 5 months old and dad went overseas for a year. So it's only been in the past couple of years that Z has finally realized who his dad is and what it means to have a dad. The hard part is explaining to him why his dad doesn't live at home like his cousins' dad. However, the good thing is I've made sure he maintains a good and strong relationship with his dad. And I'm proud to say that he does. In fact, both of my boys do, and really, that's all that matters. Never let your issues/past with an ex get in the way of your ex's relationship with his/her kids (provided they aren't harming the children in any way). We've dealt with morning tantrums refusing to go to school - where I've had to literally carry Z through the school doors. I've had to continue dealing with his bed-wetting. Doctor says it's normal for his age - but I know it affects him. I know he feels bad and gets embarrassed, and it breaks my heart when he wakes up the next morning knowing he's had an accident and doesn't want me to know. I know he doesn't mean it, and I never punish him for it. But we do talk about it and try to do whatever it takes to lessen the chances of an accident. But even with all those challenges - it takes one hug and kiss from his precious self and I forget all the rough times.

FALL:
I know I am lucky alhamdulillah. Yes, it may be tough not having a dream job/career. Yes, I don't have the opportunity to travel the world like I'd love to. Yes, I don't have the social life I wish I had. Yes, it's hard raising two children pretty much on my own. Yes, they can be difficult, but they are kids. And mashaAllah for the most part they're pretty good kids in general. All in all, they seem pretty "normal" to me - at least in my definition of "normal" :) So I can't complain. I'll let none of the challenges I'm facing stop me from pursuing whatever I want. It may take me some time but, but eventually things will fall into place.

Every day I read the news, review statuses on Facebook and hear stories from people about others, mainly parents, going through much more challenging things than me - health issues, financial difficulties, relationship issues, children with terminal diseases, children with autism, homes being destroyed, family members being killed, not being able to put food on the table, families broken apart... the list goes on. And it's a good reminder to be thankful for what I *DO* have. And of course, all thanks goes to the One and only - God.

Don't get me wrong - I do have to constantly remind myself of that. That's exactly what I am doing now. Identifying what stresses me and remembering what others are going through. And that's exactly what I'm reminding you of. We all have issues, but some have it worse than others. I'm not downplaying mine or anyone's issues - remember that everything is relative. So instead of focusing on how everything is going wrong and how others have it better than you, identify and tackle your own issues and remember there are those that have it worse than you. 

Because as the saying goes, "He Who Sees the Calamity of Others Finds His Own Calamity Light".