لا دخان بدون نار
"No Smoke Without Fire"
What you may not know about me is that I'm a young, divorced, single mother to two young boys. In my posts, I'll call them Y (10 yrs old) and Z (5.5 yrs old). I've been divorced for over five years now, and it has definitely been a struggle adjusting to my new life. Being divorced is a challenge, being a divorced mother is a bigger challenge, and being a divorced, Muslim mother of two has been the biggest challenge. Divorce is such a taboo topic in our Muslim community and unfortunately women who are divorced are always looked down upon. We're always pointed at, credited with being the "cause" of why "he left her." Well I won't get into that topic (believe me I could talk for ages about that), but all I have to say is just be courteous and leave it up to God to be the judge. It's been such a struggle dealing with this because I know very few women that are in my shoes that I can relate to, and I hope one day I can form a single Muslim moms support group to help others get through the good, the bad, and the ugly. I thank God for giving me the strength, patience, and will to be able to raise my two young sons on my own, and I thank him for blessing me with all of the amazing happenings in my life that have made this struggle so much easier. But I digress...
Given that background, last night was a tough night. One of the bonuses bestowed upon us single moms is dealing with the oh-so-wonderful behavior change in our kids when they come home from the "other" parents house. Oh how fun it is! So last night's chain of events:
- Y rings the doorbell about a hundred times (as he customarily does). C'mon, we all know mom should be ready immediately and no delays!
- Yours truly attempts to say salam (hello) to Y, who so nicely ignores me and storms right past me as he
walks in with a boatload of crap - from clothes left at dad's house, to backpacks to papers to soccer gear. Whatever, you name it!
- Z walks in half asleep complaining that he's tired, and already whining that he wants to go to bed
- Y screams at Z because Z isn't helping him with bringing all of the stuff from the car (um, where is dad in all of this?). It takes two trips for Y to bring all the stuff...
- Y and Z have finally trekked into the house and I customarily walk up the stairs right behind them to tuck them into bed.
And the conversation (or lack thereof) between Y and me continues:
Me (to Y, as I climb up the side of the bunk-bed to give him a kiss and hug and say evening prayers): "Good night habibi"
(Y squirms to the far side of the bed straight up against the wall, and doesn't respond)
Me (to Y again): "Y, I said goodnight. Are you going to even say anything to me?"
Y: "NO. I'm mad"
Me: "At me?"
Y: "NO. At Z"
Me: "Um ok...So what does that have to do with me?"
(silence)
Me: "OK, so am I going to get a kiss or not?"
(silence, and more squirming against the wall)
Me (to Z, who has since managed to fall asleep in two minutes flat): "Good night habibi"
(one last attempt with Y)
Me: "OK, I guess you don't want to talk to me. Mashi."
So the questions begin to pop into my head. Hmm, I wonder why he's behaving like this? I don't get it. They've had a good weekend...Y was in the soccer championship in his league, but unfortunately lost. Z had a soccer game. The weather was gorgeous. I'm in a good mood after having a time to re-charge myself so I can be a good mom, especially after an extremely rough, stressful few weeks.
And of course, the devil starts playing with my mind. Did I say or do something wrong? I welcomed them home with open, loving arms. Why is it I always get the difficult end? Maybe his dad said something to him about me?
And then I realize, at least part of it is just because of the change. Dad's house is full of fun, no schoolwork, no discipline. It's all about the park, playing outside, playing computer games, watching tv. And Y and Z are back to mom's house - the evil house where we have to do our homework, go to bed on time, have limited tv time, limited DSi time. It's back to the nitty gritty. The wonderful rules. Police mom.
*Sigh*
But I'm not convinced that's the only reason why Y was behaving that way. There's got to be a reason why he refused to even say hello to me, much less kiss me goodnight. And you bet, I'm going to find out...
Because, as the saying goes...there is "no smoke without fire".
